The one and only love of my heart
by ericloca
Summary: Sara has to choose ... Greg or Grissom ? Who's the love of her life ?
1. Thoughts

The one and only love of my heart

I sit on the hard floor of my room . Is cold – I feel that way . After today , everything seems to have no meaning for me . I mean , I hate my life , is way too complicated , is just so horrible to be like me . To never know who your heart belongs to . To never find your place in one world , to have always to choose between two people . I don't know what I am going to do . After all that I see , I really have to choose between them and it's so hard . If I choose one , I'll break the other's heart . And I don't want anyone to hate me . I see Greg looking at me when I stay with Griss ; I see Gil looking at me when I'm whit Greg . They are the two men that loves me . I love them both , maybe the same , but I really can't choose one of them .

Griss is the one that inspires me safety , a loving heart . He's a wonderful man , more amazing than anyone you can think of . He makes me feel loved , safe in his arms . Things I always missed as a child . Safety and love . Affection . I know he cares about me . I care about him too … I love him , but I don't know if I love him like a lover or like the father I never had beside me .

Greg , he's special . He makes me laugh , he makes me feel younger when I'm with him . He is the most adorable man I've ever met . So different from Gil … totally opposed to him . That's why I love him too … because he is the only person that can make my tears turn into smile every time he looks at me . He just … I thought he was just weird and crazy , but after noticing him better , I saw that he kept himself like that just to draw people's attention . That's why I feel so good with him , he's natural and happy all the time .

This is the biggest dilemma of my life . There are two guys that love me and I don't know who's better for me ? What should I choose ? Safety or happiness ? The young man or the older one ?

I close my eyes and try to think ; now I am in a relationship with Grissom , but when I see that look on Greg's face my heart is breaking , my soul is hurting . I can't stand seeing him like that . Since I announced all the lab I am with Gil , he never talks to me . He never jokes around me . He treats me like his colleague and nothing more . He just looks at me with his eyes like he is going to cry and say nothing … nothing at all . But his eyes tells me so much … the pain , the sufferance . He loves me , he told that to me several times before . But so did Griss . If I'd choose to break up , he'll be sad … he'll cry day and night and make me sad as well . And , if I would ever be with Greg , he'll; feel hurt and betrayed … but Greg , doesn't he deserve to be a little happy ?

I am only one person … and I cannot split in two . I just can't and I am not able to see my heart's wishes . I don't know what she wants . I feel like crying every time I see Greg sad and his caring heart so full of hate . I blame myself for doing that to him . It's my fault this things are happening . Only mine . Destroying the lives of two sweet caring men .

I have to think better what I want from my life … I remember Greg telling me that I make my own faith , that I hate to think more at me than to think at the others … . He was right .

I need to look at my feelings first . To see deep in my heart the true feelings that I have in there for each one of these wonderful men …

Because , if there is only one true love , then why I think I love two persons ? I need time to think and realize the real thing .

Do I love Grissom – or do I just think he's my friend ?

Or Greg – he's the love of my life or just a brother ?

There are the questions I have to find answers to .


	2. The final decision

Thanks to **LadySzmanda , techstu13142 and neveragain77** who reviewed !

Part 2/3 - every one can be taken as a single story .

The final decision

I was sitting today and looking at them both … I made them hate each other and I didn't even notice . Why am I so dumb , it was obvious . Yesterday , from an reason unknown by the others , Greg was sad , very sad and he even yelled at Nick , at his best friend . Unknown reason … I feel it so hard to breathe , is like my lung doesn't want to take air … that I am not allowed to breathe . And it hurts . Too much … is like my body is revolting . I want to cry , I feel guilty , I feel so bad … everything is hating me . I even hate myself for what I've done .

Today I try to reach Greg , to talk to him … but he's avoiding me , like he did all the week . He refuses to go on cases with me . He doesn't look into my eyes anymore . We don't talk often and when we do it , we talk only about the cases . He has become a ghost . Is like he's not eating anymore , he's not sleeping anymore .

One day I saw him walking out of the locker room crying . Not really crying , but his eyes were red . He said it was an allergy , but I didn't believe him . He says he loves me like a friend and I don't buy that either . He … cares for me more than that , is easy to see it in his eyes . I feel his pain inside and it's ripping me apart . It's horrible … I see he turns his eyes when he sees me and Gil together . When he has a case together with Gil he fight to hold back the tears … he just wants to finish quicker and leave the room .

I think he started smoking again . He told me he only smokes when he's sad or stressed . Now he's both . And … he drinks a lot of alcohol . He's killing himself because of me . Me . Sara Sidle , the persons that destroys all the persons she met . I mess all their lives . I destroy their will . I am like a virus .

Greg is the person that helped me any time I needed help , that calmed me any time I was mad . He was the only light in the darkness of the job and made me shine like a star . The Star of Las Vegas world , how he called me . I know he meant … his Star . I am thinking that I was so wrong when I thought he cared for me in any way but like a lover … his feelings were more deep , more powerful than I believed .

I just stay there and look at the ceiling . Is like I hope he is going to tell me what should I do … because I have no idea at all . The room is silent … the TV is turned on , nut I am not paying attention . It does not help with the choice . But , let say I am breaking up with Gil … what is Greg going to say ? That I … never loved Gil , and I will never love him ? That I am a bad woman ? I am , I know it . And Gil … if I will be with Greg he will not feel good … but my heart is telling me that I shouldn't think , I should just act . To close my eyes and open my heart , and see who is there , who is really there . Who really is the one and true love of my heart ? I want to see this … to understand .

Gil … I know him for a long time . He is the one that helped me became a criminalist , that showed me that I can do whatever I want .

But Greg … yeah , Greg . He so sweet . He loves me , he is himself around me . Tears are streaming down my face when I think the pain I provoked in that loveable heart of his . I remember all the times he made life seem so easy to me … with him I feel like flying . And my heart here is going crazy only at the thought of him . I have butterflies in my stomach any time he touches me . I smile when he smiles . I am sad when he is sad . This has to mean something , am I right ? If I don't love him , why do I think at him all the time ?

Yeah , I understood that I love him so much that it hurts … the pain I feel is because I don't have the guts to tell him . I feel powerless , my mouth can speak sometimes when he's with me . I just because I can't say a word . I stop listening to my mind , she's lying . My heart is telling me so … my instinct in telling me the same thing .

I LOVE GREG . It took me to much to realize . Way too much pain for those words . But I love him … this is the final decision . I never realized it before … silly me . But he is the one that really captured my heart … the last thing I have to do is tell him … and hope that I didn't misunderstood somehow his feelings for me .

I love Greg … I love Greg … I love Greg … the words are echoing into my mind . They will until tonight … I feel like a teenager that's in love for the first time . I have five more hours to wipe away the tears , to smile and think what I am going to say to him .

Oh , I forgot … I have to tell Gil we have to break up . It would be sad but … I want Gil to understand that I'm not in love with him . That he's only a friend , a good friend for me … that I don't share his feelings . I know he'll be sad , I know he'll cry . But I just can't be with him …. This would kill them both . He'll find a nice girl after all . He's a good guy . But he's just not the man .

I found the love of my life in Greg . I can't wait to see the reactions tonight .


	3. Happy now

Happy now …

I told them … I told them . Everything that was in my heart at the time .

First I had to speak to Grissom . I wasn't sure at one moment if what I was doing was right . But I knew I had to do it , because my heart was telling it . I started to tell him about how our relationship is never going to work , that I don't think I love … I told him the truth . He listened to me and understood everything . There was only one thing I never told him … that I was leaving him to be with Greg . I mean , I thought that even if it wasn't for Greg I wouldn't have continued the relationship . I mean , I saw that my feelings for Gil weren't love feelings at all . It would have hurt as both and destroy our lives . After I finished I just looked into his eyes and waited for him to tell me something . Something normal . But he did that

"Oh , Sara , please don't leave me , please , Sara I love you !" he yelled to me "what did I do wrong , please tell me , I wanna correct the mistake so wee can be together again , please , Sara ! " . He was crying . I hate grown men crying . And he was such a child . I had to answer to him somehow ."Gil , it's ..it's not you fault at all , you understand ? It's not … but I told you the truth , I don't love you … not like a lover , I don't see in you the person that I'm going to spend my life with … you did nothing wrong , please , I had to say this , it would have killed us both , this relationship … couldn't work… please don't hate me" I whispered a. "Sara , wait , Sara !" but I ran and left him alone in his office . He just stood there and didn't even look at me .

I leaned on the door of the DNA lab . And I cried like never before . Because I made Gil cry . Because … it was better for him not to be with me anymore. I left him staring at me and think about my last-minute decision .

Greg saw me and approached . "Sara ! Sara , tell me why are you crying ? Are you okay ?" he just kneeled and hugged me . "I'm fine" I said wiping away the tears "it's nothing " He smiled . Oh , God , his smile . Melting my heart . "And I am the most idiot of all the men in the world Oh yeah … now tell me what happened ? Did Griss tell you something ? Did someone hurt you ?" He was so worried about me , his smile was now a frightened look . "No , no one hurt me . I'm just sad … and tired " I didn't have the guts to tell him right away "I really want to go home and I don't feel good … can you give me a lift ?" I asked him . I really needed to be alone with him just to tell him that . "I don't know …"he looked into my eyes and reralized that I wanted to talk to him "Sure , wait a sec " he grabbed his coat and his keys "shifts are over anyway " . He helped me climb in his car and put the seatbelt on . I was shivering and an electrical shock went through me when he touched me . I knew what that was . I smiled and he started the engine . I was crying when he saw me the first time and now I was smiling . Something happened to me , but I couldn't stop smiling . When we arrived at my home I realized we haven't talked at all in the car , so I invited him in for a drink . He accepted . It was perfect . Now I could tell him what happened. "So why were you crying ?" hew asked me taking the glass of juice that I offered to him . "Well … I had to take a decision for the rest of my life" I answered with ambiguity , giving him more answers than questions . "What decision ?" "Yesterday I have been thinking about my life … and I decided to break up with Gil . That relationship wasn't working at all " . He looked curious at me , it was like "_What the hell ?_" . "And … I'm sorry , I don't know what to say , really … but why ?" he smiled a little "Look I know is none of my business , but if you can tell me …" . "Well , I thought about what did I do in my life … and I saw that I wasn't in love with him . Not with him , but …" I stopped , what if it wasn't the right moment ? "But with who ? Come on , Sara , tell me !" his eyes were pleading . I was in so much trouble … was that the right moment to tell him ? I had to tell him I took a deep breath and looked into his big pretty eyes . "You" He looked at in amazement "what me … ?" he was pretty dazed actually … I smiled inside "You asked me who I love , didn't you ?" I answered to him . He nodded "The answer is you ,Greg , I Love You ! " I said and watched his reaction . "What ?" he asked "I Love You " I repeated to him "Then , I love you too !" he hugged me tightly at his chest . I started crying , the emotions overtook me , but then I saw there were tears in his eyes as well "you're amazing ,you know that ?" I told him , pulling him closer for another hug . "That's why I love you so" I told him .

I know I made him feel hurt , feel useless and more than that ; but he was truly amazing , because my awful personality didn't change his feelings . Now I don't care what everybody is going to say , I am just sitting here , on the couch ,looking at the window . He is sleeping in my lap . My sweet lover … God knows how much he suffered for me . Too much … I see his smile his sweet smile . After all the pain he'd endure … I kiss him on the forehead and I continue watching him .

…

Next morning , after a night of watching him , I reach to touch his face . He opens his eyes and lifts on his feet . I love him so much … I still stay here and I wonder what happened last night … I remember talking about our lives and then he fell asleep in my lap . He was the sweetest .

Now he gives me a hand and I lift from the couch as well . But he has other thoughts … he pulls me forceful and he catches me in his arms . Thread , he approaches his mouth from mine and I feel his breath against my lips … is amazing , is one of the things I dreamed of . Then he kisses me … so sweet . Our first kiss . It was the most beautiful thing in the world . We have to get ready for work … I change my clothes in a hurry and we leave to his house , to change his as well . After he makes a shower , we climb in his car and drive to the station . The people are going to talk about us , I'm sure . But I don't care as long as he's with me . I did the thing I wished to do for ages and I don't regret it . He doesn't either . Now , the love is keeping us together and there is nothing that can break us apart .

We are happy now …


	4. All about us

All about us

We told them all about us . Everything . I explained them Grissom's behavior , how he yelled because of me , he even hit Nick in his anger . When hew saw me with Greg … well he started crying and looking dazed … he asked me how was possible to love Greg … awful question , but the answer was simple , it is so easy to love Greg , he's the most adorable person on Earth . He is my soul mate , that's why I love him , because he loves me too and I really tried to explain again to Gil that me and him just weren't made to be a couple … I know that hurt , but I told him the truth .

I am in the break room and I sit on the couch , Greg is sleeping , his head in my lap . I caress his soft hair and whisper to him how much I love him . This is one of those intimate moments , when we are just we , together . He was so tired … a rough case , is got to him . He was so tired … he just feel asleep on the couch . My sweet lover … he's amazing .

After some weeks from the break up , Gil showed at my house . He came to see me , to tell me he's sorry and that he still loves me . "Gil ! What the hell are you doing here ?" I asked him , dazed "I came here Sara , to tell you I love you , I still love you … please , Sara , tell me what I did wrong" he grabbed my wrist and tried to pull me closer to him "Leave me alone !" I yelled, because he was hurting me . I could see in his eyes he was drunk . "Answer to my question !" he demanded . I was so scared , I couldn't even move "He's better than me ? He looks better than me ? Tell me Sara !" I couldn't stand him "He's a loser , he's not even here for you , but I am , Sara , I'll love you always !" . He was pathetic , but I slapped him so hard across the face . He fell and I was able to enter my house . "He's much better than you , bastard ! Can't you just understand that I love him , him Greg and not you ?" I leaned on the wall and cried … it wasn't possible for him to hurt me … this wasn't the Gil I knew . Probably he was too drunk , in the morning when he'll wake up he'll apologize , I knew him too well .

When Greg returned , he sad I was disturbed , but he knew I was going to tell him what happened when I'll feel better . He wasn't asking questions .

Newt day , I told him . His reaction was first violent , threatening he'll kill Gil , but I calmed him down easily telling him that he was just in love … that he didn't want to hurt me . He asked me if trusted him enough to let him go to Gil and tell him once and for all about me .

I agreed and since that moment Gil didn't tell me anything . He started to change .

I moved with Greg in his house and I love it … we have a big pool , a large yard only for us . We play tennis , we sleep , we have such a normal life , the normal life I always wanted to have . One day I feel and broke my leg , I remember Greg was more scared than ever , he was asking the doctor every second how I was , he carried me in his arms all the time . I felt like a princess . His princess .

I was blessed to find this wonderful man that makes everything seem so easy … I love him .


	5. Realizations

Realizations

Since I told the team about me and Greg , everything is wonderful .They were surprised I did that , that I had the courage to tell Greg that . But I feel powerful and happy since I changed the course of my life . Catherine was the one that helped me with everything . They didn't ask about Grissom ; they just knew because they have seen Gil mad and guessed we broke up . Even after five years , the love between me and Greg is still strong ; we understood we made the right decision , because all our feelings were true . We stayed one day and talked about what would have happened if I wouldn't have did that thing . Probably I wouldn't have been that happy . Love gives me this feeling of safety and happiness . Greg said hew would have dumped his job at the lab , I would have been sad .. and it would have been worse .

There passed a couple of years , we are five years older now . Grissom stopped grieving after me and found the perfect partner. She is a sweet girl . They make an wonderful couple . My life have been wonderful , because I took that decision , I changed my faith . I don't regret any second now breaking up with Grissom or going out with Greg . Because I feel so good now … we moved in together and bought a house , the best house ever . My life is complete .

Now I stay at the table and I rub my dog on the head , we took even a dog . Well , Greg made me a present . The most wonderful present I ever received in my life . It was after ten months from the moment I told him about my feelings . We were eating and then he went upstairs without a word and brought me this little puppy . His name is Cole . He likes Greg a lot .

I look into my puppy's eyes now and I think at that day …Greg is at work , I am not working anymore . "Sara ?"" I hear a voice . Is Catherine . Oh , I forgot . Today is my daughter's birthday . You all wonder what daughter , don't you ? Well , Alison is our daughter , we … received a little gift when the doctor took me some blood to analyze . I was feeling bad … this is the reason "Hey , Cath , how are you ?" I ask my best friend . Mrs . Catherine Brown , of course . He finally had the guts to tell her , after my wedding . I married Greg three years ago , after Al was born . "Oh, girl , I'm fine , but how are you ? " she asks me , like we have never seen each other in the last days .

"Mom ! " a voice is calling me from the garden "What is it , sweetie ?" . My daughter sees Catherine and jumps in her arms . My daughter , my little girl … I so love this word . I am a mother now , a real woman . She is so beautiful . She has Greg's eyes , identical . But she has the hair exactly like mine … she is dressed like a princess . "So , when is daddy coming ?" she looks into my eyes like Greg used to look . My heart is melting .

Greg is the best father ever . You won't believe this , but he's amazing with kids . He made all this party for his little angel . He calls her Angel . And she loves it . We invited all her friends , but ours as well . I want my daughter to feel happy and to give her the best that we can .

Catherine is telling me that Warrick is coming soon . Nick will be here , with his fiancée , Amy . She's an wonderful girl that is working in the Trace since Hodges left . Two years ago . We have so many guests … there will be Alison's friends , James , Claudia , Andrea , Michelle . And of course , Kate , Kate Grissom . Gil's and Sofia's daughter . She and Al are the best friends ever . Gil thanked me that I helped him realize that he wasn't in love with me but with Sofia . He and Greg are good friends now .

…


	6. Birthday

Birthday

They are all here except for Greg , I see Al is sad but probably Greg will make her a surprise like he always does . She is looking at the door all the time , just waiting for her daddy . He enters with a big box in his hands . "Daddy !" Alison yells and jumps in his arms . "Hey , my little Angel , happy birthday !" he kisses her on the cheek . Then he gives her the present . She opens it and the look on her face is priceless . Nothing is more important to her than Greg . She worships him , but she loves me as well . But it was one thing … when I found out I was pregnant , I asked him if I should keep the kid , he looked dazed and told me he didn't even think a second at abortion . He loves kids and he is taking care of an orphanage with Nick .

The doll that Greg took her will be the most precious toy because it is from him . Those two have a telepathic connection , is amazing . I never seen something like that .

When I was pregnant for the first time , I never knew what to do , but he was reading lots of books and helped me . When I was delivering her , he hold my hand all the time , since my water broke until the moment we heard our daughter's first cry . It was amazing how he calmed me , how he took her in his arms and gave her to me … I didn't want to let her go . She was the fruit of our passion , our everlasting love . And I love her so much , but Greg just fell in love with her from their very first moment . And she with him . They do many things behind my back , including parties , he taught her make diving and how to swim . He bought her a doll taller than himself , they called her Sandra . Sandra is her friend , she knows all her secrets .

"Mommy !" Alison yells "help me with the cake !" she smiles when I get t my feet and I go to help her . It's hard for me to move . Nick helps me up . I'm pregnant in six months . We are going to have another kid , to make our lives happier and to see all our realizations … our realizations are our daughter and our boy . We are going to have a boy and Greg told me this is going to be the mist perfect family ever … and I believe him . He never lies , his eyes … are always telling the truth . I remember that I was jealous when he first presented us Chandra Moore , his replacement , because the girl was damn pretty and she was too close to him . I have to admit that every woman that was close to him was making me jealous .

I never thought that a child can change me , but Alison did , I mean , everyone thought I couldn't handle with kids , but having Greg with me , I became the best mommy in the world , like she calls me .

After she eats the cake she looks at her father , she always wants to see where he is . There are inseparable . Sometimes I'm sad because he plays with her more than I do … but when she sees me sad , only a little she comes and kisses me on my cheek . She's amazing , just like Greg . Is so obvious she has his blood …

I have an wonderful husband , I have a lot of friends , a daughter and I am going to have soon a boy . My life is beautiful with the people I love and I never dreamed things could be like that .

This is the story of my life , the life of Sara Sidle-Sanders , the luckiest person in the world .


End file.
